Monday, May 14, 2012


Dear baby boy,

It is 10:28 at night and I'm busy editing.
Another day.
Another shoot.
You're fast asleep in your little crib and Daddy is playing video games waiting for me to be finished.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with all this work and mommying.
Today was one of those days.
I cried a bit. Beat myself up over too much time on the phone taking care of business and too little time snuggling you.
We played play dough and walked to the store and got your favorite chips.
But you still fussed like two year olds do and I felt like I didn't give you enough of me.
The house was a mess when your Daddy came home and dinner wasn't even close to ready.
I kept telling myself, you can't do it all.
You can't do it all.

So I left emailed unanswered and we went to the park instead.
This mommying thing is hard work sometimes and sometimes I fear I'm getting it all wrong.
Then "all this time" comes on as I'm staring at my screen and I sit here, heart overflowing.
Hard work be damned.

How am I this lucky?

"all this time we were waiting for each other
all this time I was waiting for you.."

All those nights I prayed for you.
All those days I hoped and wished and dreamed.
And now, you are here, just a wall between us.

It's all I can do not to run into your bedroom and wake you up.

In case I didn't tell you enough today, I am so thankful you are my son and I love you more then you'll ever know.

I love you to the moon and back.